BLACKSILK

If i should die . . . And leave you here awhile,
be not like others . . . Sore, undone - who keep long vigils by the silent dust and weep, for my sake turn again to life and smile. . .

SERENITY

I see you sneak behind warning signs, a small fence, and creep out into serrated rocks littered with the gnarled remains of roots . . .
You find your way to the farthest, just where water swirls and spits at your feet . . . You fold your body neatly into itself and watch as a torrent edged with white froth smashes into rocks and dips itself to every cold stone . . . As i look beyond the ripples of my reflection to examine my inner self, the ripples begin to fade . . . As the reflection lays beside me, grasping my hand, the inner warmth shields me and the vision of my reflection appears - i see you - my friend - I ease myself to your side, we sing defiantly into consuming night air . . . I shiver quietly and listen intently to the whispers of the water and your words. Transcending speech, out spoken by water . . .
You silently climb back over the small fence past the warning signs into asphalt, you turn back and then walk away . . . You are an angel -

FLASHBACK

I thought about you and lost my memory in time . . .
I could not remember the loss and yet in you i have a memory of a happier time . . .

THE VICTIM

Contemplating about her existence and the meaning of her life. She finds no absolute answers. She repeats contemplating over her triviality of her existence. Now she feels her existence might be a sheer waste . . .
Her lonely soul wanders searching for love, how far would she go, she isnt sure, she knew not. She walks through darkness wanting to see light, always night, never a day in her soul. She is lonely even in crowd vowed to be faithful she longs for a place to laydown a weary heart. A field of stone is her home.. Every night her stolen moments hounts her. She feels like a tattered soul lost in a lonely dream, like another girl that he dated before. Like the grave in which bodies are placed. Like a gun that was placed on her head. She feels like a letter that arrived one day too late...

Tears fall, no-one to hear her sounds of despair, no-one to care. Her lonely soul wanders feeling no life-just strife! What used to be full of life is nothing now- JUST A 45 YEAR OLD'S WIFE.

She questions others, they say love him, but there is no more true love-just a duty, lust and self centered egoism and various appetite to satisfy herself. He is her weapon to get her out of isolation..

i wish her no life in her life, no love in her in her life for her life was my life!

COLLECT YOUR FUCKIN MAIL! ! !

Things that break, you want to know. . .He'd like to know what mends. . .What mends the sun that breaks the dawn so that it may rise again? What mends a broken promise, trust or given words? Or is it even possible once the words are even heard? Will a break up mend a break down? Or the other way round?
Letting go of the pain, but memories stay on. A man sits in grief for the bundle of love just swayed off like a leaf. . .He struggles hard to heal, from a distance faith stares while strength seem to falter and he asks 'does God care?' letting go of the pain the mending heart still bleeds looking to the night sky. This man wants release as tears bathe his dark eyes. . . He knows not how to deal with empty feelings that plagues his heart and mind when he wakes each morning. .
~ He puts his pen at work ~ "Fuck it! I wanna get over you. I am only human. Fuck you and the bastard who rode you in. Fuck the lies that you made paper thin. Fuck you for the way you crushed my heart and told me it was nothing, fuck the part where you cried and said it was me and fuck me for thinking i could be the one that broke, the one that broke your heart. Fuck you for all your lies and for the start that you said it was no start but only me seeing something ugly that could never be and then for asking more than twice if i could let it be, it would be nice. Fuck you for saying he was only glass that sparkled in your eyes, a piece of ass when i no longer sparkled when i fell. Fuck you for sending me to hell and keeping me there. And that was where i found myself again and fuck you for saying when i found out i was broken,
'see? All the time it wasn't me!'
and fuck you for crying when i wanted out. Fuck you for begging me to give you hope. Fuck you for your narrow, shallow, selfish scope. Fuck you for never seeing me standing there in tears begging you to see, to see me standing there at all, alone and pushed so far i'd fall and when i fell, fuck you for that too! And fuck me, fuck us both, fuck you!"

~ ~ MERRY XMAS ~ ~

1message received 18.09.2006 8:19am(shabz)

After despair, many hopes flourish. just as after darkness,
thousands of suns open and start to shine-rumi

Low tide ~ ~ ~ full moon. . .

Losing
all i can see ~ Nothing remains ~ Dripping slowly away ~ The tides recede ~ And i stand alone ~ I look down from the precipice ~ wonder where the tides go ~ will they return to fill my gaping soul ~ or will the waters dry to flow no more ~ will they leave me standing ~ breathless ~ all i can do is wait ~ from my precipice ~ confusion ~ anxiety ~ pain ~ anger ~ despair ~ haterd ~ isnt it all the same ~
pity ~ revenge ~ spurn ~ condemn ~ when is it going to end ~ loneliness ~ heart ache ~ emptiness ~ must i be disturbed ~
desolate ~ forlorn ~ will i always be alone ~
i am without a speech for my words are offensive ~ i am without a sight for it is clouded ~ i am without a heart for it has hardned ~ i am without a sound for it has muffled ~ i am without a soul for it has drowned beneath the sea ~~ the impact of inferiority ~~ full moon ~ yet so dark ~ i see the stars sparkling so bright ~ within the moon kissed by the sky ~ i hear the lark so sweetly sing ~ amimds the morning dawn ~ i smell the flowers full in bloom ~ i see their royal pomp ~ and yet some place so deep within ~ im shrouded ~ im closed ~ the brilliance there i cant see ~ in mist of misery ~ enrished inside ~ unable thus ~ to touch the warmth without ~ i gaze upon the passion spent ~ yet inside i die ~ ~ ~

a breathless sight. . .

At dawn, through my open window, i gazed upon a breathless and a heart stopping sight... On the horizon, in front of me appeared an aurora of mystical lights, reflecting deep into the cavities and, ridges of the surrounding mountains. Before me showing an early light penetrating the morning mist, as it caused a perpetual golden rays to illuminate through the highest mountain peaks awakening the earth below.
As i peered closely, brilliant colors of light stretched upwards like fingers on a hand into the yet, dawning sky. . . Oh, as i gazed at this precious sight time itself seemed to be waiting and wanting to grasp hold of the first beams that would burst forth from the east and to witness sun's smile beckoning. . . .
I thanked my Lord for letting me live this day. . . .

TAGGED....

Tagged by electric spaghetti....
So here goes my "e's"

Earth - my temporary journey
Eternity - my final destination
Encourage - my food for action
Equate - my supply and demand
Enslave - my condition for oppression
Enemy- to me it means to find my own faults
Egalitarian - my understanding and belief
Egocentric - my prayer to be saved from
Elusive - thats just me (been told)
Emotive - my GIFT to you

WILL SHE COME. . . ANTICIPATION. . .

All evening he is going to wait...anxiously eyeing the clock...retracing his steps over and over again...counting the crucial minutes untill her arrival...kneeling before a crackling fire...adding another log...he'll rise to check again the preparation for the night....the thick sheepskin lay lovingly spread before the flames...candles burning...sheets turned down...anticipation will abound...time will pass slowly quiet as a mouse...
Stars will fall...earth will stand still...suspense filled evening...the phone will ring...she will say his name...come get me here...passion will explode...excitment will fill the air...candles will burn low...he awaits her arrival . . . .
Will she come . . .

UNSUNG SONG OF A FRAGILE HEART....

The me you see from your heart. The me i'll always be. The co-valance between the heart and the mind is the essence of true beauty...The assimilation of emotions and feeling is the gist of varitable dainty...
If i were there right across with you now, the pangs of separation, distance wouldnt be- if i could always be away from you. The delectation of conjoine would always be-
passion does not mean subjugation of fatal attraction...Desire means to dream ultimate fascination...You are not God nor is my love that of an angel....
We are both humans, then why is this frequent torment...
They call your external beauty as devine creation-i call your concealed magnificience as eternal conception-
then admit to one another that we are no good without eachother...there will never be another us...lets make the most of today...lets hold hand in hand and embrace...lets make the most of ourselves...
But as usual, dreams die first...soft, tender, unattended...thinking of bygone...its been a expanse...
A reflection of days long archaic-misplaced emotions, desire and secrets- love, loneliness, pain-whatever became of the love we shared? We swore to hold eachother till the end-
love like all things dont decay. Earnest compassion always has to stay...at the bottom of a forgotton mind, deep in the heart lies a true pertinence...feeling the omnious stare from the captive heart you are forced to peek at its treasures...
We keep a journal of our "stolen moments"- our Eternity, our Stolen Moments(1), our Stolen Moments(2)......and the time we made love veneration-Does reviewing these experiences bring it all back?
Clearing the dust with a doubting fingers, a tear drop forms in a backdrop of an eye. A petal from a first received rose crumbles to dust when exposed to the air-still sealed with intense feelings covertly cached...
REAL LOVE IS ALWAYS HARDEST TO RUPTURE AND THE MOST ARDUOUS TO WITHER...
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THE CANDLE FLAME LAST NIGHT-YOU SHOWED ME.

DON'T MISS THIS!!!

=EXTRAORDINARY=

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will culminate on August 27, when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of Earth.
Be sure to watch the sky on August 27 at 12:30am. It will look like the Earth has two moons. DONT MISS IT....
The next time Planet Mars may come this close is in the year 2287.
NOTE:
SHARE THIS WITH FRIENDS AS NO ONE ALIVE TODAY WILL EVER SEE IT AGAIN.

FOR YOU MY FRIEND..WILL BE FOREVER YOUNG...

If love is a universal emotion then the pain it often causes-some might say INEVITABLY causes-is equally universal. Yet, that only begs the more important question: why do tragedies and sad stories of emotional pain bring each of us strange kind of quenchness or pleasure?
Im sure phychologists have an answer to that question.. Im just as sure its a different answer than a writer would give. Maybe, in the end, the answer really isnt so complexed...
A burden born by one can often grow too heavy to bear. Maybe in the end, each of us knows that sharing our pain and sorrows is the only way we can live with the pain. And thats really what this poignantly sad stories are about-sharing.
It was a cold, windy june evening when you left this world Craig. I shut my eyes when i envision the day..i shut my eyes to block out your fate..i hear a thud and then your scream and i see the glistering tears falling from your kind eyes...
Even though i couldnt be there i feel as if i was there. I wish i could be there for you.. When i think of our days, the places, the things we did together, i feel warm tears slid from my eyes...
I know if you were here today, you would teach me how to deal with the images that are haunting me but, sometimes i feel i need these hauntings just to be close to you again..
Everyday i sit by the fire, where we always sat and burned sticks, going through your things, old notes containing footnotes with so many secrets that were so close to being taken up by teachers and instructors...looking through pictures that were left to be forgotton. Trying to forget memories that still haunt me in my sleep....
Today, when you left, i realized that death is part of life. No one escapes its clutches and no one long escapes the harsh reality of dealing with the loss of someone dear. I dont know why you had to go Craig-you brought us joy..you gave our friendship a true meaning..even though we had our little fights over silly things like phone lines and wiring lights-
i never wanted to be a pest..i needed your skills because you were good at it..im glad those times were only few and you knew, with you it was hard for me to argue. You always came through in the end..
Flowers for your grave. Both daintly and distressing as tears escape twin rivers of the soul. I gave convenient time infrequently expressing the sentiment between routine and role. Words were unspoken, they were considered unnecessary. Sunshines and shadows...petals and tears...flowers and rain...now the bridge is broken and the chance was temporary. To cross back and stroll through tender years.
So many eulogies and regret. I am so sorry, Craig. I failed to say just what i really meant. A cemetery debt, for friendship, for brotherhood, for love that went unpaid. And greeting cards i never even sent.
Forgive me.

I have a message for you from our friends:
"Trapped in the glorious years...within the memory of belief...lost of all grief..take the reasons, which once seemed so clear but never mind, you have nothing to fear...
For you my friend, will be, forever young...forever in the heart of memories..
Lost in the glory of time...the wisdom was there within that smile...so shed a smile and grin a tear...
For you my friend, will be, forever young..forever in the heart of memories...
We see not through our misery, forever young...forever young...
There is a new angel tonight"
Rest in peace my friend

love is....to me

Reading over a few bloggs i came accross a writer, who explains his definition of love. He doesnt agree with the way other people see things......
In a recent short story i read, a writer is told by a young critic that he doesnt know what love is..shame..
It is such a rarity..such a blessing..such an inspiration..it is not a sheer perfection despite what you may want to hear.
Nobody understands love. To me its seems to be a universal emotion, a goal we all seek, the prize that can make our lives complete and whole. Love is both timeless and, in too many instances, transient. Yet,its also very individual, filtered by our own lives and expectations. I dont understand love, i cant understand love, because it a DIFFERENT thing for ALL OF US.
I know sometimes you feel your love is not returned but, to me, to love truly is to love forever- even though love be unrequited. To me, when i look into her eyes, her eyes portrays a speech that her mouth hasnt spoken..revealing feelings and thoughts of the deepest crevices of the heart.
Yes, EVERY MOMENT IS UNDESCRIBABLE, but to me not only in the BEGINNING but rather constantly through out. The real prize comes when you sit and look into her eyes and you see a significant beauty and a powerful resemblance of love. And when her eyes look into yours, they depict the two of you together igniting your heart and nourishing your soul filling you with wanted desire....
Her eyes must leave you with a contentment of being with you, though not conspicios- if you delve in them.
People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of seas, at the long course of rivers,at the vast compass of oceans, at the circular motion of stars but, they pass by themselves without wondering.
Unfortunately, love in their lives is like sands, they give it care and attention then a strong gust of winds sifts it through their hands-they lose it again. But then they are also those who gifted and not deprived of love. They have hopes, dreams, faith-faith like a flower opening up their own petals of life.
Atleast they have some idea of having a perfect relationship. They create their tomorrows by what they dream today...but sad it is that some people think they have schizo/Bi-polar personalities unaware of the fact that these people make love their greatest weapon and none on who they call can defend its forces.
I believe their love melt all hearts like the sun whos rays soften the coldes day...
TO ME, THOSE WHO LOVE DEEPLY NEVER CHANGE, NO-ONE CHANGES IN THEIR EYES, THEY NEVER GROW OLD. THEY MAY DIE OF OLD AGE BUT THEY DIE YOUNG...!!!

love-a word-isnt a word

continued...
love isnt a word-theres no past tense to it. If you love someone,you will always love them-no matter what...
Love is not the only reason why a relationship stands for years and till forever. We might think that love holds the relationship...but what if you love too much and forget that love also can weaken or worst, destroy a strong relationship-i just realized that love is not enough... The secret of having strong and everlasting relationship is to trust the one you love and to accept her weakness...its not about how many times you have forgiven but, how you have shown understanding...
Its hard to stay mad when theres so much beauty in the world...sometimes you feel you are seeing it all at once and its too much...sometimes its easier to say you are mad then to admit that you are actually hurt-love doesnt always die in a violent explosions of sounds and colour, sometimes its death is a quiet one- i know the hardest part about walking away from her is knowing she wont run after you...
Its like saying "how you feel is no longer allowed"
Tell her "just once more in my life time before i die, please share again all the laughter as well as the tears...come back to me into my life..."
Yes, love is represented by a rose not only because of its eternal beauty but also because of its destructive thorns...but then again the only consolation of saying goodbye to someone you love is the glimmer of hope that someday after that goodbye there will be another hello....!

BE NICE AND DROP FEW PEARLS...

Before i continue with "LOVE-A WORD,ISNT A WORD".......
Wen was the last time some did some thing nice for you, or conversely, you did something nice to someone else, just "because"? Most of us only response to certain days- birthdays,anniversaries,Mother's and Father's or whoever's Days- wen we let the milk of human kindness flow free for a stipulated length of time perfunctorily, because tightly putting a lid on it, as if it were a previous nonrenewable response that would dry up if we use too much in our everyday dealings..
BE NICE AND DROP FEW PEARLS-COMMENT!
We dont have to be kind to others just "because". We ought to be kind because kindness has been enjoyed upon us by the words...
A lot of us often use rationalisations while trying to explain the lack of niceness...Dont feel uncomfortable being nice to others, simply because it may be construed as being fake, or a weakness in one's personality...kick that bloody pride out of you...
BE NICE AND DROP FEW PEARLS-COMMENT!
If you can read you can write aswell...

Love-a word isnt a word

Hello & welcome...this is my 1st post...new to blogging...neway visit again for future posts...
....what matters is not the length of the wand,but the magic in the wand...